


Blurry

by tattooed324b21



Category: Girl Meets World
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-11
Updated: 2016-10-11
Packaged: 2018-08-21 20:35:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8259754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooed324b21/pseuds/tattooed324b21
Summary: And you're looking through your tears, but you've never seen the world so clear,





	

She loves you. 

 

Loved you. It’s past tense.

 

It’s not her fault. Or yours, really. It’s no ones fault. Just… She left before she could tell you. Before you could tell her you love her too. Before you two could get your shot at forever. Before you could know.

 

_How could you not know?_

 

You read it again and again and again and again until your heart has gone beyond broken. You don’t exactly know what _is_ beyond broken, but you know you’re three levels past that one.

 

She loved you. Jesus, she loved you so much. She loved you more than she ever had the courage to say. And you never said it either. 

 

_Maybe that’s why she left you alone like this._

 

You text her, but she doesn’t text back, for obvious reasons. It hurts you that you can’t have two part conversations with her anymore. You keep her updated on everything going on, but you never get a reply. Sometimes you expect one but… No. It won’t happen.

 

Before you text her,, you scroll back  up to the last message she sent you. It's too far for your liking. 

 

 **Maya** : I'm sorry

 

At the time you didn't know what she meant, so you'd ignored it. You wish you hadn't.

 

 **Riley** : Peaches. 

 **Riley** : You used to love it when I called you that, remember?

 **Riley** : I really miss you

 **Riley** : I love you. And I wish you were here so I could tell you that to your face.

 

You lock your phone again and toss it aside, because it’s pointless. She won’t answer, she never does. You know this. You wonder if she knows how much you’re hurting over her. You just want one more conversation. The one where you tell her you love her. God, you should’ve just fucking told her. You kiss her, she kisses back, you’re together. Forever.

 

What happened to forever? Your forever?

 

_She’s always going to be forever to you._

 

You still don’t blame her though, of course. You are a little angry, but only because she didn’t tell you. That’s so much, too much emotion to just keep inside. Jesus, why didn’t she tell you how she feels? 

 

 _Felt._ You have to remember, it’s past tense.

 

The last thing she told you was I’m sorry. That makes you angry too. Why couldn’t it have been I love you? Why didn’t she tell you she loved you so you could make sure she had nothing to apologize for. If she had just told you…

 

Why didn’t she trust you with this?

 

She didn’t trust anyone with it, but most of all, she didn’t trust _you_. And it just breaks your heart because you just know if you had known, she’d be here with you right now.

 

You’re so lost in thought you forget what you’re holding, and it falls to the floor. You quickly scramble to pick it up, as if you’re disrespecting her by letting it fall. 

 

And then you read it again.

 

_I love you. I don’’t really know how else to start this,so I’ll start there. I’m so in love with you it hurts. You’re the first thing I think of in the mornings, the last thing I think of at night before I go to sleep, and everything in between. I didn’t think it was even possible to feel this type of love for someone. But I know I feel it when I’m around you. When I see you’re perfect face everyday I swear it just makes my heart  swell. I love that feeling, I  swear it. I  love how you make me feel. I hate that I can’t tell you, but I love how you give me hope. You’re my reason for waking  up every morning. I honestly hope nothing ever changes that for me. I don’t know what I’d do without you, I just don’t. I’m  so hopelessly in love with you, Riley. It’s all I can think about. I love in a way I don't even believe in._

 

_I know you’re with Lucas, and I’m fine with that. He makes you so happy, Riles. I hate that it isn’t me making you smile like that, but I’m happy you smile more.  As selfish as this love makes me, I know I have to share you, because you don’t feel the same. I know there are parts of you I cant have like he can. But I'm just so gone for you I can't bring myself to tell you because he's what you want. I'm not._

 

_I don't really know what else to say because my brain is so clouded with "I love you" I can't really think of anything else. So I guess I'll end it here._

 

_I love you_

 

She never showed it to you. You just happened to find it while cleaning out your room. She just died two weeks ago, but reading it, learning how she felt about you, she might as well have died two minutes ago. And then you're crying again. And you just can't stop.

 

And you're looking through your tears, but you've never seen the world so clear.

 

Why didn't she tell you how she felt about you? Why didn't she tell you anything about how she felt? Why couldn't she have just told you, or anyone, so someone could help? Why didn't she come to you before she decided to end it? Why didn't she trust you with her problems? 

 

You have so many questions, but she still can't answer them.

 

Everyone comforts you the most, but it just upsets you because you couldn't do that with her. You just wish you had one last moment, or at least had known your last moment really was your last. You just wish you'd known.

 

She loved you, but she hated herself, and she didn't tell you either one.

**Author's Note:**

> I'man awful person tf
> 
> You can yell at me about this or any of my fics tatooed-324b21.tumblr.com


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